Watson is a moron

He is also immature, obviously. And clearly he is a rebel. Nielsen just told him what he expects of him and he had to throw his toys and go “no, I won’t”. Cut your nose and spite your own face, buddy. I hope Roach knocks you over with a beamer in the second innings.

Sehwag messiah

And on the second day, Sehwag said:

Let there be a fine innings and there was. Though I am not a fan of him persay, I do admire the man’s talents. Iconic blogger Jrod from Cricket With Balls has a religion named after the man. It’s called Sehwagoly. Anybody who can play an innings like that deserves to be honoured with a religion.

And on third day Sehwag said:

I must remain humble. And he gave away his wicket. Seven runs short of becoming the only man ever to score three triple hundreds. And we were humbled. And he showed us that Test cricket can live. It’s not dead. Sehwag gave Test cricket the right to life and has now set the impossible standards for everyone to live up to. Try. But you won’t be as awesome as his 293 run innings. Aside from Brian Lara, of course. Sehwag is not Brian Lara on 400 not out. My son will one day be expected to be as great as Brian Lara. No pressure.

I haven’t said anything in ages

Mostly because there has been too much cricket on for me to fathom. I had a horrible dream prior to the second Test between  India and Sri Lanka. I dreamt that there was a terror attack at the ground and people actually died. I think that’s mostly because I have this overwhelming paranoia about being late for work.

Our sub-continental shifts usually mean a 5:00 am start. It was weird.

In other news. Arsenal are probably going to miss out on everything again this season. We need a keeper. And a central back. Our keepers are OK but not world class. They concede five out of eight shots on target. Shocking.

Tillakartne Dilshan was given out unfairly today and he is very much in favour of the referral system. I’m in two minds about this. Poor decisions are part of the game. What would we have to bitch about if everything was right all the time?

Anyway. I think asshole dog ate my creativity.

Mahela Jayawardne is the Cape Town South Easeter…

…and the Indian bowlers are scooter drivers. Anybody watching the India versus Sri Lanka series will know that today was quite historic. Sri Lanka reached more than 450 for the first time in India. Mahela became the second Sri Lankan to score a ton in India for the first time in years. On a pitch with just a little bit of movement but where Mahendra was just getting the field placement all wrong and the spinners were bowling in all the wrong areas, Mahela had a field day.

He galloped to his 100. And then to 200. And I hope tomorrow he goes on to 300. The thing that I like most about Sri Lankans is their humility. I love the Sri Lankan team. As much as Murali scares me and as much as I don’t want to meet him in a dark alley, ever. I know he is a nice guy. I want Sri Lanka to win this game…

Anyway. There is plenty of cricket happening next week, at all sorts of weird hours. The one thing that gets me through going to work at 2am on a Saturday morning, aside of course my love for cricket, is the eye candy. So I’m starting a day by day who I like to perve on series.

It starts with one of my absolute favourite players (not just for his good looks).

Daniel Vettori

Daniel Luca Vettori is the New Zealander with the boyish looks and the geeky charm, this all-rounder balances his personality and looks much like he balances batting and bowling.

When he is not deceiving batsmen with his flighted deliveries he is very capable of playing match-winning knocks lower down the order.

His maiden Test scalp came in the form of former England cricketer Nasser Hussain and he took his 100th Test wicket against Australia at Eden Park.

Mr. Vettori has some Italian blood pumping through his veins and is an avid Liverpool supporter. He has to wear glasses following an accident on his bike which prevents him from wearing contact lenses. Glasses are hot. It’s even hotter on sportsmen. What’s better that a fit, toned and geeky boy?

A modest man who, when he was asked about the legions of female fans, laughed and said:  “I don’t think, well, I try not   to think about it.”

Unlucky, though, ladies this man is married and he has a little lad called James.

Lastly, all please check out this link: www.helpjaredwoodsmeetlilyallen.com

All help is appreciated.

Oh, and I think I’ve chewed off all my nails and the tips of my fingers in a mild panic. France play Ireland tonight. Half the Arsenal squad is French. The other half is already injured. Shit.

People in Cape Town have no sense of humour

I know, I know. I was supposed to be back and write something ages ago. But let’s be honest:  South Africa playing Zimbabwe was way predictable. And I had freelance work coming out of my ears.

Clinical as they were we all knew that the writing was on the wall. The Twenty20 series against England has been entertaining and Loots Bosman, fresh from injury, has been an absolute revelation at the top of the order. He made every appeal by the English stink of desperation. Playing yourself in? That’s something completely alien to Bosman.

I’ve got the India v Sri Lanka series to cover tomorrow (that means a 5:30am start) but it looks like it might be worth it.

On a different note, for those who are coming to South Africa for the soccer Word Cup next year, if you are the humorous type then don’t go to the V&A Waterfront in Cape Town. I went shopping there for a few essentials, you know….Red Bull, cigarettes (I should get paid for name dropping) and chew toys for asshole dog. Since I’m trying to be all eco-friendly and I opted not to take a plastic bag and shove everything into my handbag instead.

The chew toy, which squeaks, was positioned in such a way that it would make a noise whenever I took a step. I was very amused but apparently the Trust Fund Kids, tourists and other mall dwellers thought it was not funny at all. I’ve never been looked at like I was a leper until today.

Asshole dog loves the chew toy, though. He  has positioned himself underneath the couch, on his back and in full chew mode. I’d rather listen to the noise than have my brand new black on black Vans chewed up. Which he did already….

hello, I think I’ve kinda missed you

Okay, okay. Before I am crucified let me first apologize for the lack of blogging as of late. I’ve been on the only two week holiday I’ve ever had in my life (two weeks straight, that is) and since my job is cricket orientated and I’ve been maxing out on football since the mister got DSTV installed I really couldn’t be bothered to write anything.

I won’t lie, I’m not even sure what’s going on in the cricket world at the moment. I do know that South Africa take on Zimbabwe tomorrow, though, and I am covering the game. Great. No better way to get straight back into work is there?

I know I promised to break the news about Arsenal being linked to a pharmacutical company – here’s the deal. Reportedky the North London club have cut a deal with a blood pressure medication manufacturing company. Apparently they are awarded a precentage of sales thanks to  Nicklas Bendter. I know that this sounds absurd but it’s a very feasible arguement…even  my mother who knows NOTHING about football managed to say: “wow, that guy is terrible”.

In other football news. It seems that the trophy is coming to London. We just don’t know which part of London yet. I know that I should probably have a go at Didier Drogba for his little leg twitch but I really couldn’t be f***ed to care.

I’ll be back tomorrow with some more bits and bobs and probably a rant about South Africa’s performance against Zim.

xoxox

Ms Print

Now playing: Placebo – Blind

Oh, just get on with it

It’ with great joy that Miss Print welcomes back DanBan after that little coffee cup clash in the midweek. Reportedly, she has also exposed a huge link between Arsenal and a pharmaceutical company. More on that later.

Ahead of their League Cup clash with Liverpool, Arsenal were playing good football and squandering leads. On Thursday night, they very nearly did the same thing. Late Liverpool waves of attack saw the Arsenal camp sweating.

Although with Ryan Babel upfront for Liverpool, it was more a case of mild perspiration. The hot discussion at the water cooler at work will more than likely be about the ‘penalty decision’. When your manager tells you that these are the games you have to put your hand up and be counted, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean to block a goal bound effort inside the area. Why Philippe?

You’re a defender. The balls coming to your head. Use it. Liverpool fans will feel hard done by, but that’s officiating, sometimes those are given and sometimes they’re not, and on the balance of play they’ll know Arsenal deserved to progress. After Bendtner (Ed: even my mom who knows jack shit about football bellowed: no man, why is that little lad so pathetic) actually decided to scored a goal from 5 yards, they always looked like scoring another with Liverpool spending a great deal of the second half chasing.

All three goals of the game were well taken, but none more surprising than Emiliano Insua’s 25 yard screamer with what must be his first ever shot at goal in three years since joining, but who’s counting anyway, right Emiliano? It was great to see Nasri back in action again and straight away looked the player we all remember. And how about Kieran Gibbs? Must be said, well played. Gael’s great, don’t get me wrong, but he might even give Wenger a selection headache one of these days. Also a great prospect for England in a few years. On a positive note for Liverpool, the long awaited debut for Alberto Aquilani finally came and he managed to tick a few boxes from the word go. He’s quick, he’s a ball winner, he’s a play maker, he’s got vision to pick out a pass and he can strike an over-head ball at Senderos’ head.

What’s not to like? With the club’s poor results of late they’ve needed a superhero, leaving some deeming him ‘Aqua Man’. (Ok, I’m the only one) The Gunners may well end their trophy drought this season with The League Cup. I expect they’ll make the final. Next up, a derby against Chelsea in the next round. You read it here first.

Miss Print is returning to her home from the coast today and she’s got that breaking news for you guys. Until then, adios.

xoxo

The Victory Delusion

Miss Print has been a lazy ass. I’m on leave so I really haven’t felt an inch of desire to write anything on here. And there is no Daren Ganga to coo over. So I’d like to introduce guest blogger: DanBan. I’m hoping that he’ll churn out some pearls of wisdom at least once a week…here is his first offering:

So Liverpool fans can smile once again, their team rising to the occasion and producing the goods when needed the most.  The team put in a good display and came out on top, without doubt, deserved winners.  Bravo.  Even Carra had a decent game.

Question is, why does it take a visit from United to to put a spring in their step?  Where was that display against Sunderland a week prior?  Or against Lyon in midweek?  And that’s just the thing about Liverpool, isn’t it?  You never quite know which team’s going to show up, not least Rafa’s bizarre 3-6-1 formation, but in terms of actual quality.  Some games there’s very little to speak of.  If things aren’t going well, who’s the plan B or C on the bench?  Babel?  Voronin?  Ngog?  Come now.  (To be fair the latter’s not half bad, though his name pretty much sums up his form really: touch ‘Ngog)

Thing is, the problems in squad depth are still there.  Beating Man United won’t change much.  It just means Hicks’ son can go out in public again.  It’s easy to get spurred-up for the big games and it’s not all that tough putting six past relegation fodder.  (Sorry you Tigers, but even you know you’ll be playing in the Championship next season.  Come to think of it, Phil Brown’s karaoke number this year could be Fall Out Boy’s Sugar We’re Going Down)  Where The Reds have failed this season, and in seasons past, is getting three points from the mid-tablers and until they take those points on a regular basis, they’ll always be there abouts the summit but never actually there.

Moving forward for Liverpool, there will no doubt be a huge sense of confidence around Melwood in the next few days.  All the pressure’s off the gaffer, they’re on the back pages for the right reason and the players can take a welcomed sigh of relief.  But how long will it last?  Next up for The Reds are The Cottagers away and the smart money will be on Liverpool dropping more points, leaving victory over their rivals a distant memory.

Don’t forget the Carling Cup clash midweek with Wenger’s young guns, Dan!

xoxo

Ms Print

they’ve still got daren ganga

Despite the fact that they have way more humility than what some NSW players have in their pinky….despite the fact that they lost T&T still have Daren Ganga.

That is awesome because:

1. He ahs dhat shexy ahcent

2. He is a better leader than anybody in the tournament, he fills in for God on his sick days, apparently

3. He is more attractive than the whole of the NSW team

4. He is modest about their achievements and honest about their mistakes

Australians are like the Asians with the squint eyes. Like them – only not so obvious on it with the looks and their audio and vocal sensors are better developed. I don’t like that they are so good. At everything. EVERYTHING. They’re aliens.

romance is as dead as chivalry

and it had to take a bunch of Australians to prove it.  As upset as I am about the loss, it really was kind of inevitable. I’ve been told on numerous occasions that if it sounds too good to be true then it is. As was the case with the Trinidad & Tobago fairytale.

I just can’t understand why Australian sportsmen are so damn good. I hate it.

Anyway, no need to fret. T & T should be proud. They’ve achieved what nobody expected them to. And they’ve opened the floodgates to talent in the West Indies.

Daren Ganga for president and West Indies captain. Kieron Pollard for mafia boss and assault master. Lendl Simmons for the cute poster boy. Add to that Nikita Miller as disco DJ to leave opposition in a spin and we are on our way to a great West Indies team.

I just had half a bottle of peri peri sauce with dinner because I wasn’t concentrating.

On a different note, I am very happy to have found somebody who shares my love for Daren Ganga. Check out Maiden Bowling.